RED VS GREEN
by Xodios
Summary: Ok, I found out that this got deleted. Thankfully I back upped all the chapters every time after I update! This is what happens when the HP crew play Halo...then get sucked into the Halo universe! WILL RESUME WHEN POSSIBLE.


**What happens when the the Harry Potter Crewplays Halo 3 on Multiplayer? It may go down like this on team slayer in Valhalla.**

**I own nothing, HP belongs to JKR. Halo belongs to the people down in Seattle.**

**No Flames please**

**A.O.D.**

**OK. I found out that this fic was deleted off the Harry Potter FanFiction crossovers this week and I was kind pissed about it. This fic had almost 10,000 hits and 19 review that will me missed :(. Thankfully I backed up all my chapters every time I update :D. HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Well, I hope you guys enjoy and don't forget to review!**

**_RED VS GREEN_**

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**Red Team**

**Harry Potter : TheBoyWhoLived117**

**Ron Weasley : WeasleMan72**

**Hermione Granger: xX6Bookworm9Xx**

**Nevile Longbottom : $Herbal_Godz$**

**Luna Lovegood: -(Narsgwad)-**

**Ginny Weasley: 3GrifGodess3**

**Green Team**

**Voldemort: +ZeDarkLord+**

**Draco malfoy : MalfMan**

**Pansy: $/SlyzerinBitch/$**

**Crab: "Thing 1"**

**Goyle: "Thing 2"**

**Severus Snape: [{DaPotionsMaster}]

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**

TheBoyWhoLived117: Ok guys, are you ready to pawn these noobs?

WeasleMan72: Ready when you are Harry.

xX6Bookworm9Xx: How talk into this thing? Hello!

3GrifGodess3: Don't yell Hermione. We can hear you. Just keep the mic by your mouth.

$Herbal_Godz$: Who is the party leader?

Everyone in unison: Voldemort.

+ZeDarkLord+: We are playing Team Slayer on Valhalla.

WeasleMan72: Who made him Party leader?

[{DaPotionsMaster}]: He sent out the invites. Plus He is a General.

$Herbal_Godz$: So is Harry and he beat the game under legendary.

[{DaPotionsMaster}]: Detention when school starts Neville for talking back to a teacher.

$Herbal_Godz$: This is Halo, not Hogwarts. Plus you can't cause school is not in session.

MalfMan: Just shut up.

-(Narsgwad)-: Don't die on us Neville.

$Herbal_Godz$: Me? Hermione is the one you have to worry about, she is a Recruit. I am a Corporal.

$/SlyzerinBitch/$: On Live. She beat the game under Legendary, in one hour. You are still on normal from what I remember.

$Herbal_Godz$: How do you know that she beat Halo 3 under legendary in one hour?

3GrifGodess3: Us girls had a Halo 3 sleepover over the weekend. We played for 12 hours straight.

TheBoyWhoLived: That is so hot. Were you girls in your underwear while you were playing Halo 3?

$/SlyzerinBitch/$: Shut up Harry.

TheBoyWhoLived: I will take that as a yes. It's a good thing I put a hidden video camrea in Hermione's living room. I need to check my computer.

_Harry Potter runs to his computer and starts watching the video of all the girls in their underwear while playing Halo 3_

TheBoyWhoLived: SCORE!

All the girls: WHAT!

+ZeDarkLord+: Shut up all of you, we are about to start.

_~boop, boop, beep~_

In the Valhalla map, all of the players were at their bases. Green Team was in the base near water front while Red Team was on the other end in side thier base preping up for battle. Harry was a Spartan with red and yellow colors on his armor with a lion for his symbole. Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Neville, and Luna were the same as Harry's Spartan but each had a different secondary color, Hermione had orange, Ron had Maroon, Ginny had pink, Neville had teal, and Luna had blue.

_TheBoyWhoLived: TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!_

Harry goes running out of the Red Base with a plasma sword in hand.

_xX6Bookworm9Xx: I call Sniper Rife!_

_WeasleMan72: I call Hornet!_

_-(Narsgwad)-: Neville and I call the Scorpian Tank!_

All of the Red Team players run out of the Base and got into their Vehicles or grab their weapons.

Let the game begin.

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**Chapter 2**

**Team Slayer**

_TheBoyWhoLive117: FOR SPARTA!_

Harry Potter was driving his Mongoose twoard the Green base at full speed until he was stopped by a rocet that hit him, killing him instantly.

_+ZeDarkLord+ killed TheBoyWhoLived117_

_Green team took the lead._

_+ZeDarkLord+: Take that Potter._

Voldemort jumped into the Man Cannon on his base and flew to Harry Potter's dead Spartan. Then he started to Tea-bag Harry on the head.

_**Beep Bloop: 100G- Tea-Bag achievement. **_

_+ZeDarkLord+: YES! I have unlocked all the Achievements! I am now..._

His speech was cut of by a snipe to his head. By the waterfall on the other side of the map, stood Hermione's Spartan with a sniper rife in her hand.

_Sniped by xX6Bookworm9Xx_

Hermione then turned her sniper rifle up to Green base and then snipe two other green Spartans on the balcony of the base.

_xX6Bookworm9Xx snipped Thing1 and Thing2_

_**Double Kill, Sniper spree.**_

_Red team took the lead, Green team lost the lead._

_xX6Bookworm9Xx: WOOT WOOT!_

BANG! Came a noise from behind Hermione and then her spartan died. Behind her stood a green spartan with a lime green sripe on its head with a shotgun.

_MalfMan killed xX6BookwormXx and ended her Sniper Spree._

_MalfMan: Take that you filthy Mud..._

He was cut short when a Hornet landed on him.

_WeasleMan72 splattered MalfMan._

_WeasleMan72: Rich bitch._

Unawar to Ron, three small missiles were homing onto his Hornet, they collided with him a second later.

_$/SlyzerinBitch/$ killed WeasleMan72_

Pansy then aimed her missile pod at Luna's tank and unleashed the five remaining missiles at her. The missiles hit the tank, causing it to explode.

_$/SlyzerinBitch/$ killed -(Narsgawd)- and $Herbal_Goddz$_

**Triple Kill**

_Green Team took the lead, Red Team lost the lead_

_$/SlyzerinBitch/$: Hell yea!_

Pansy sarted walking to the Red base with her battle rifle in hand but was ran over by a Warthog.

_3GrifGodess3 splattered $/SlyzerinBitch/$_

In the Warthog, Ginny's Spartan was driving while Hermione was in the passenger seat with another sniper rife and Harry was on the Gauss turrent, shooting anything that moved. Harry shot Snap, Crab, and Goyle's Spartans while doing a drive by at the Green base. Voldemort, Malfoy, and Pansy were trying to escape via Man Cannon but were shot by Harry's Gauss cannon as they flew over them.

_Red team took the lead, Green team lost the lead_

**KILLTROCITY, EXTERMINATION**

_TheBoyWhoLived117: I AM GOD!_

After ten minutes of non stop killing and splatters, both teams were tied 49 to 49 with ten seconds left on the clock. Ginny was diving a Mongoose with Harry as the passenger holding a Spartan Laser. Ginny was diving up the Red base ramp and heading to their Man Cannon. After lining up just right, she floored it and charged into the Man Cannon causing her and Harry to fly into the air. While they were in the air, Harry charged up the Spartan Laser and fired at Voldemort who was also flying from his Man Cannon.

GAME OVER.

RED TEAM WINS.

TheBoyWhoLived117: That was fun.

$/SlyzerinBitch/$: Hold on guys, I will be right back.

**$/SlyzerinBitch/$ signed off.**

+ZeDarkLord+: Where is she going?

MalfMan: IDK.

TheBoyWhoLived: Pansy, what are you...OH MY GOD! WHA NOOOOOOOOOOO. AAHHHHHH. NO NO NO NO. NOT THAT, ANYTHING BUT...

**TheBoyWhoLived117 is dissconected.**

xX6Bookworm9Xx: Should some one go over to Harry's house and see if he is all right?

Green Team: Hell no!

MalfMan: He is probably dead by now.

[{DaPotionsMaster}]: When she is in the killing mood, she will kill anything in her path.

**TheBoyWhoLived117 and $/SlyzerinBitch/$ is online.**

TheBoyWhoLived117: Owwwweeeeee.

3GrifGodess3: What did she do to you Harry?

$/SlyzerinBitch/$: Lets just say I raped him, you don't want me to go into detail.

TheBoyWhoLived117: I think I have AIDs now.

-(Herbal_Godz)-: I don't care, lets just play.

+ZeDarkLord+: Capture the Flag on Avalanche.

_~Boop, Boop, Beep~

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_

_**A.O.D**_

_**I own nothing**_

_**"Because i got high" belongs to Afroman**_

**Chapter 3**

**Capture the Flag**

**Warning: The chapter of this fic is not meant for kids under the age of 15 and Harry potter fans that don't like halo. This chapter will include the mentions of drugs and people doing the dumbest s**t ever in the halo and HP universe. The reader will get the following side-effects of this chapter: getting raped by Pansy, getting pregnant, getting to involved and killing everone within a five mile radius, or laughing their ass off so hard that they die from the lack of air. Ya been warned.**

**Oh, and no flames. I, ArbiterOfDarkness, do not flames. I had to delete one already, they are very unsupportive and a pain in the ass to delete. And you all shouldn't be thanking me, you should be thanking BIGDOGZ117 (his Xbox Live screen name). I just watched him play and I turn his matches in the game to chapters in this fic, so these events are kinda real, i changed them to make them funny, but with HP characters instead.**

**Now please enjoy.**

_TheBoyWhoLived117: Neville, stay here and guard the flag. Everyone else, grab a Warthog, Hornet, or Tank and go get that flag. FOR THE SAKE OF NARNIA!_

_$Herbal_Godz$: Why me?_

_WeasleMan72: Cause you suck at Capture the Flag._

_$Herbal_Godz$: But I don't want to be here for the entire game. _

_3GrifGodess3: You have the most important job of the game._

_$Herbal_Godz$: But.._

**Beep Bloop: -1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000G for being a winy Bitch.**

_$Herbal_Godz$: Son of a Bitch._

The gang, minus Neville, used Red base massive Man Cannon to fly off into the air and landed onto the snowy ground. Hermione ran to get a sniper rifle and ran to the clif that over looked the Red side map and a little bit of the Green side. Ginny and Harry ran to their tank, Harry took the drivers seat and Ginny took the turrent seat. Ron ran to the Hornet and Luna ran to the Warthog. Ron flew his hornet to the center of the map, right above Harry and Ginny. Luna drove her Warthog to the left side of the Red territory to the wall where there was a small passage way that connected the two sides, got out and hopped into the machine gun, ready to shot any one that got through.

_-(Narsgwad)-: Position secured._

_TheBoyWhoLived117: Roger that Luna. Now everyone, minus Neville, CHARGE!_

Harry, Ginny and Ron charged into the green team side, only to be blown up by Voldemort who was waiting there with a missle pod.

**Triple Kill**

_+ZeDarkLord+: Victory is mine!_

Voldemort walks to the red's side of the map only to be sniped by Hermione.

_Snipped by xX6Bookworn9Xx_

Crabb and Goyle were seen driving a Mongoose as they drove over Voldemort's dead body. Crab was the one driving the Mongoose while Goyle was in the passenger seat with a beam rifle. When they drove into the Red's side, Goyle aimed his beam rifle at Hermione and shot her in the crouch, killing her.

**Head shot.**

_Thing2 snipped xX6Bookworm9Xx_

_xX6Bookworm9Xx: HOW IS THAT A HEAD SHOT! Luna, they are comeing your way. Can you get them?_

_-(Narsgwad)-: No! I am pinning down Malfoy, Pansy, and Snap. Neville will have to take care of them._

_xX6Bookworm9Xx: We're screwed._

Mean while back at Red Base.

_$Herbal_Godz$: I was gonna go to class, before I got high, I coulda' cheated and I coulda passed, but I got high, I'm taking it next semester and I know why, 'cuz I got high, Because I got high, Because I got high._

Neville looks out the base and sees Crab and Goyle on the Mongoose, which was flying in the air toward Neville and the flag.

_$Herbal_Godz$: OHMYGOD. OHMYGOD. OHMYGOD._

Neville, out of fear, chucks a plasma grenade at them. The plasma grenade hits the Mongoose and explodes a few seconds later.

_$Herbal_Godz$ stuck Thing1 and Thing2_

**Double kill**

_$Herbal_Godz$: WOOT!_

Neville turns around, unaware that the exploded Mongoose was still heading twoards him. It hit him not even a second later, killing him.

**Splattered from the Dead**

For ten whole minutes, the entire game was in a dead lock. The Green Team would almost get the flag but were killed by Hermione's sniper rifle and Harry's plasma sword. The Red Team did get the flag, but Neville was holding it so he only made it five steps out of the Green base before he got killed by Snape. During the last minute of the game, Harry infiltrated the Green Base, got the Green Flag, and ran like hell to the Red Base.

_TheBoyWhoLived117: Cover me homies! The KKK is after me!_

Harry took the short cut to the Red base, the one in the wall. Thankfully for Harry, Luna was on the other side with the Warthog. When Harry was out of the way, Luna put the Warthog into full thrautle and ran over the entire Green Team.

**Killtrocity, Extermination, Splatter Spree**

Harry, still running like hell, ran to the Red Base and plants the flag in the goal.

**Game Over**

**Red Team Wins**

TheBoyWhoLived117: Lord Moldybut, make me party leader for next round. I know the perfect map.

+ZeDarkLord+: Fine But don't ever call me that again.

_~boop,boop,beep~_

**Review Please and embirsiphonelilathia, thank you giving me the idea for making Neville sing that song.

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**

**I own nothing, I repeat NOTHING**

**A.O.D**

**Beta is embirsiphonelilathia**

**Chapter 4**

**Grifball...wait,what?**

**Map: Foundery**

**Game: Grifball**

_{[DaPotionsMaster]}: Grifball? WTF is this Potter?_

_$/SlyzerinBitch/$: Do we get to smoke crack?_

_Red Team: *Gasp* You guys don't know what Grifball is?_

_+ZeDarkLord+: Sorry. I have a life, unlike you six._

_$/SlyzerinBitch/$: Honestly! Do we get to smoke crack!_

_TheBoyWhoLived117: Guys, I think we have to summon HIM. Ready...1,2,3, hit it!_

_TheBoyWhoLived117: Roses are Red._

_xX6Bookworm9Xx: And Violets are Blue._

_WeasleyMan72: One day we'll cruise_

_3GrifGodess3: Down the Blood Gultch Avenue._

_-(Narsgwad)-: It's Red vs Red._

_$Herbal_Godz$: and Blue vs Blue._

_Red Team: It's I against I and Me against You!_

In the middle of the group, a bright light appeared and an all red Spartan fell from the light holding a shotgun. When he stood up, he was around five foot five and he started to speak in a southern accent.

**Sarge has signed in**

_Sarge: Hello Harry,Hermione,Ron,Luna,Ginny, and Neville. Why did you all call me?_

_TheBoyWhoLived117: The Greens don't know what Grifball is. Do you mind telling them the rules?_

_Sarge: What in Sam hell is this? Everyone knows Grifball! Well, anyway, I love to show everyone how to play it. I get to help people enjoy punishing Grif and I also get to beat up Grif as well! It's a win-win!_

_MalfMan: This is rediculios._

_Sarge: What was that young man?_

Sarge walked up to Malfoy's Spartan and aimed his shotgun at his face.

_WeasleMan72: Sarge! Last time I checked, Green was right behind Blue._

_Sarge: DIE INFADALE!_

Sarge unleashes all of his slug rounds on Malfoy, killing him, and starts tea-bagging him. Malfoy responded a few seconds later.

_Sarge: Now that is out of the way, the first and only rule of Grifball is to get the bomb, called the Grifball, and put it in your opponents goal. Also, there is no guns and grenades in the game, you only get an energy sword and a Gravity Hammer to fend off the other team._

_Thing1: Sounds like American football, should be easy._

_Sarge: Oh realy. Thing1, go over to there and pick up that bomb._

Crab goes to the center of the map and picked up the bomb. When he picked it up, his armor turned Orange and his voice changed to a lazy American accent

_Grif: Hu? What happened to my armor? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY VOICE!_

_Sarge: Now you all see. Who ever has the Griffball becomes Grif! Makeing him an easy target to kill for the other team. Now for a practice round. Reds! Assume formation Alpha!_

All the Red team members form a giant V shape formation on their side of the map with the point facing the Greens.

_+ZeDarkLord+: Oh S**t! Greens, protect Crab! Crab don't fail us!_

_Grif: My name is Grif you F**ktard!_

_+ZeDarkLord+: I don't care you worthless house elf. CHARGE!_

All of the Greens charge at the Reds V formation, only to be crushed by their Gravity Hammers. Grif successfully dodged all of them and started to make his way to the Reds goal. Harry and all of the Reds started to chase Grif with their Hammers. But they could not keep with him and Grif slammed the Grifball on the platform. He then started to dance around the bomb.

_Grif: WOOO! YEEEEAAA!_

_Sarge: And when you score, the bomb explodes and kills everyone within the blast radius._

_Grif: YEEAAA! Wait, what?_

The bomb explodes and kills Grif.

_Grif: AAAAHHHH!_

_Sarge: Now lets begin. There are three rounds and if its a tie, it on to sudden death. I will be the ref._

**

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**Chapter 5 Son of a... **

+ZeDarkLord+: Guys, I think we need to call in the big guns.

It was five minutes into GrifBall and the Greens were already losing five to one. The Greens could not keep up with the Reds as they smashed them round after round in the large wearhouse. Sarge was penitalizing the Greens for no reason at all, giving the Reds the upper hand on the game.

The Greens formed a large circle on their side of the wearhouse and started to sing the Halo them song.

The Greens: AHahahahaohahhaohaahoaha!

In the middle of the circle a bright light, similar to the one that Sarge came out of, appeared. As they became louder and louder, the light grew bigger and bigger untill a Spartan fell out of it. This Spartans was wearing dark, rainforest color green armor with a battle rifle in its hands. The majority of his armor was covered in scraps and gashes from battles that it fought.

TheBoyWhoLived117: Oh my GOD! It's the Chief!

xX6Bookworm9Xx: The Master Chief!

3GrifGodess3: Spartan 117!

WeasleMan72: Harry, what does your scouter say about him?

TheBoyWhoLived117: Let me see...He has not lost a single battle, has every award, and...NAPA!

xX6Bookworm9Xx: What is it Harry?

TheBoyWhoLived117: His skill level...it's...it's.

Herbal_Godz: Just spill it Harry.

TheBoyWhoLived117: IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!

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**Over at Privit Drive, Harry Potter could be seen playing the Xbox 360 on his T.V. set that he installed in his room last month. He was sitting on his bed, talking into his Halo 3 ear peice.**

**"Let me see...He has not lost a single battle, has every award, and...NAPA!" said Harry as he was reading of the information about Chief on his screen.**

**"What is it Harry?" said Hermiones voice from the ear phone.**

**Harry looked at his screen with buldging eyes glued to it. He stuttered, "His skill level...it's...it's."**

**"Just spill it Harry." yelled Neville's voice.**

**Harry yanked his ear peice of his ear and yelled as loud as his lungs would let him, "IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!".**

**As he was yelling, he crushed his ear peice in his left hand. When he looked down at his hand, the ear peice laid in ruins as well as a few cuts on his hand from crushing it.**

**"God Damnit!" yelled Harry as he reached for his wand and pointed it at the ear peice. "Reparo!"

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**

Red Team: O_O. WHAT NINE THOUSAND! There's no way that it can be that high!

MalfMan: It's the Chief, he is da shit dawg.

Sarge: We're F**ked.

Before the Reds could form a defencive position, Master Chief sprinted to the Reds side of the field with the Greens behind him and started to pound the crap out of all the Reds. Draco, who was holding the Grifball, charged to the Reds goal and planted the bomb. All the Reds died in the explosion, causing Malfoy to receive the Extermination achievement.

TheBoyWhoLived117: Everyone, GET THE GRIFBALL BEFORE CHIEF!

All of the Greens and Reds ran to the center of the map to get the holy Grifball with Gravity Hammers in hand. When they all reached the center of the map, they swung their Hammers at the same time at the opposing team who were trying to get the ball. Unfortunately all of them hit the Grifball, causing it to crack right in the middle of it, a bright white light then beamed out of the crack. All of them stood there, looking at the cracked bomb.

$Herbal_Godz$: Umm...What do we do?

Master Chief: I never had to do this before.

Sage: SWEET JIMBLY JIMBITS! I think that the power of the Gravity Hammers all being focused at one point caused the bomb to crack. We only have 3 seconds before it goes off and destroys this map!

TheBoyWhoLived117: What? Ah son of a...

Harry was cut off by a bright light that engulfed the entire map. All over the Xbox Live universe, evey Halo player online looked up at the sky, watching one of their stars being engulfed in a firey explosion and subsided into nothing but dust.

Harry felt his head bursting in pain as he regained conscious. When he got up, he realized that he was not his his cramped bedroom but rather in the middle of a jungle. In front of him, was a large smoldering piece of metal that looked like it fell from the sky. To his left and right were the Reds, Greens, Sarge, and Chief who were laying there on the ground.

"Urgh." moaned Harry. "I need lay off the Monsters."

"The Wha?" said a tough voice from behind Harry. Harry turned around and saw an African American man in his late forties with a shotgun in his hands and behind him were a group of soldiers with their guns aimed right at Harry.

"Sergeant Johnson?" qasked Harry. "What the hell happened?"

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**I own nothing, I repeat NOTHING**

**A.O.D**

**Chapter 6 Sgt. Johnson **

"Put your hands in the air and step away from the Chief!",barked Johnson, who was aiming his shotgun at Harry. All the other soldiers, who were wearing dark-green armor plates that cover about almost all of their body, had their assault rifles aimed right at the the other Spartans. Johnson slowly walked to the Chief's body with his gun still aimed at Harry and went to check his pulse.

"He's dead." said Johnson bowing his head at his fallen comrade, the Marines around him followed suit. A second later, Johnson snap back to reality and shoved the barrel of his shot gun at Harry's chest, "Why did you have to kill him! He was are only hope!"

"He did it!" yelled Harry as he pointed his finger at Neville.

"Oh you back stabbing cock bite." yelled Neville. The Marine closest to him raised his gun to Neville's head, causing him to pipe down.

"I am not dead you idiot." ,grumbled the Chief as he got onto his feet, "You once again failed to place your hand in the right spot to check for some ones pulse. This is why when ever we go on a mission, you are never the medic."

"Thank you baby Jesus, you alive!" yelled Johnson as he latched on to Chiefs leg and started humping it.

"Get off me!" Barked Chief as he shoved Johnson off of his leg and then kicked him to the middle of the group. " Ok, can some one tell me what the hell just happened?"

Sarge steped away from the Reds and walked toward Cheif, none of the Marines aimed their gun at him while he stood to Chief, "I may have a theory," he said. "With all of the Gravity hammers focused on Bomb-21 caused a explosion so massive it destroyed the map and because Harry and his friends are magic folks, they got sucked into the game. Also, if I'm correct, we are the X-difficulty stage."

"The what?" asked Pansy

"The X stage." continued Sarge. "Meaning that when you died in the game, you die. The only way you can come back is if one of us complete the game and if the last person dies with out completing the final level, then you can say good bye to coming back. This level was designed by the Bungie CO but it did not make it to the game because he had no way on getting live people into the game."

"F**k me like a bitch." moaned Ron. "Wait, how do we know if we are on X?"

"Like this." said Harry as he yanked a shotgun from one of the Marines and pumped a few rounds into Crabs chest, killing him instantly. "We will wait for five seconds to him to respond and if he doesn't, then we are on X."

After waiting there in the jungle for five minutes, Crab did not respond in the spot where he died.

"We are on X" said Harry.

"Well no shit." retorted Draco.

"So we have to complete the game or die trying?" asked Hermione. "Should be easy."

"Well then grab a gun and lets get rollin!" yelled Harry and ran off through the jungle with his shot gun in hand. The group could hear his yelling get fainter as he comtinued on runing through the bushes and leaves.

"Should we go after him?" asked Johnson.

"Na." said Ginny. " He will find his way to Crows Nest. After all, he did play this game like a million times so he will know where to go."

"Ok then. Now on ward!" Yelled Chief as he punched the nearest Marine next to him and stole his assult rifle. "Now, um, Johnson! Where did you park the Pelican?"

"Down by the river docks." replied Johnson, "It's just down stream from here."

"OK." said John. "The Marines, Lord Moldybut, Snape, Pansy, and Malfoy will take the rear. Johnson, Hermione, and the Reds will take the lead and flush out any Covenate forces that cross our path."

"What about Goyle?" asked Ron.

"Yea," said Hermione as looked around for him."Speaking of Goyle, where is he?"

**SOME WHERE IN A CAVE**

Goyle was exploring a cave that he saw by their landing site. The entrance to the cave was illuminated by the light out side, Goyle then switched on his head lights to examine the cave that he was in. In the rear of the cave was a shiny, golden lamp that looked like it was off of Aladdin.

"OOO! A MAGIC LAMP!" Goyle yelled with joy as ha ran to it and started the side of it. All of a sudden, a cloud engulfed Goyle and a man wearing a green trench coat with four mechanical octopus arms on his back appeared in front of him.

"Dr. Octagonaous! Bla.." yelled the Man .

"Oh! I never seen a genie like this before." interrupted Goyle as he go close to the man, inspecting him closely. The Man looked at Goyle for a second then smacked him to the ground with his mechanical octopus arms.

"Dr. Octagonapus! Bla.."

"Ok for my first wish wish." said Goyle as he got up and brushed off his armor.

"Dr. Octagonapus!" yelled the man.

"Ah, ah, ah. Don't talk, I'm your master now." said Goyle as he waved his finger in the mans face.

"Doc." said the man.

"Now for my first wish."

"DOCTOR OCTAMOTHERFU**INGONAPUS" yelled the man before he shock his head at a fast rate then opened his mouth, firing a bright beam of light at Goyle, killing him instantly.

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**Chapter 7 Off the Rock and Through the Bush..**

Master Chief and the others stood watch as they hid behind the rock that over looked over at the river. There were five Grunts and a Brute that stood watch at a small station outpost by the river. All of the grunts were wearing black armor and had red eyes, each one holding on to a needler or plasma pistol. The Brute was wearing gold armor had a brute shot that was resting on his back**.**

**"**Ok," said Chief as he looked through his battle rifles scope."We have five black belt Grunts and one Goldy Lock Brute. Does any one have a plan to take them out?"

"We give them Hermione and while they are doing sexual acts to her, we slip past them." said Malfoy. This of course made him receive a melee to the back of the head from Hermione.

"Lets not and say we did." said Hermione. " I will go and take them out with my sniper rifle and when their down, we take any extra weapons they have in case we run into more Covenant along the way."

"I like Hermione's idea better." said Johnson.

Hermione climbed up the tree that was right behind them and settled herself on a branch so that she had a clear view of her targets. She pulled off her sniper rifle that was on her back and took aim the the small group of aliens. She first threw a grenade at the five Grunts and then fired two rounds into the Brute's head. The grenade took out four of the Grunts and the Brute went down before he knew what happened. She picked off the last Grunt with a shot to the head, causing its head to explode.

"Great job Hermione." greeted Ginny as she and Neville ran to the dead bodies to pick up their weapons.

"Ginny! Neville! Get back here! There is a Phantom right behind You!" yelled Ron.

Neville and Ginny looked behind them and sure enough there as a blue Covenant drop ship right be hid them with its two plasma cannons aimed at them. Before the ship could fire its cannons at them, a red blur jumped of the cliff to the left of the ship and began pounding the cockpit of the Phantom. The red blur turned out to be a Spartan with a shotgun in hand.

"Harry?" asked Ginny. Before they knew it, the whole ship exploded and fell to the edge of the water fall.

"Harry!" Ginny yelled as she ran to the ruble of the fallen ship. "He's dead! Holy Jesus! We are never going to complete this game and we are going to beat this game! We are going to died in a damn video game!"

As she was crying, a red Spartan hand punch out of the ruble.

"He lives!"

The rest of Harry's body soon popped out the the smoldering Phantom with his shotgun on his back and holding one of the plasma cannons as though he was in a Rambo movie.

"Tonight, we dine in LONDON!" screamed Harry as he ran off into the forest. The group heard gun fire and screaming in the direction that Harry ran. Everyone was confused on what the hell just happened.

"At this rate, he is going to kill every Covenant bastard that is between here and the Pelicans. It should be a walk in the park from here." said Sarge.

After two hours of walking through bodies the bodies that covered the forest floor due to Harry's slaughter campaign. The Reds and Greens took advantage of the dead bodies to raid them of their weapons and grenades so that they would be prepared to face what ever failed to kill. After a few twists and turn through the jungle, they arrived at the docks where two Pelicans were waiting for them.

"I call shot gun!" Yelled Hermione and Malfoy as they ran to the closest Pelican. While they were fighting for the passenger seat of the Pelican, a Banshee flew in from the tree tops and fired a plasma bomb at the Pelican that Hermione and Malfoy were in.

"Son of a Bitch!" they yelled as the ship went over the water fall that was one hundred yards from the docks.

"That was our only ride out of here." groaned Johnson as he pulled out his radio. "I'll radio in for another dropship."

"Home base this is Johnson, over."

"Home base reading loud and clear."

"Send in another drop ship. Two idiots crashed both of our Pelicans."

"Rodger that. ETA 10 minutes."

"CHIEF!" yelled a female voice from Johnson's radio. "We are down the river just a few klicks from your position. We are being over run and running out of ammo. Come and get us please!"

"Fine." sighed Chief.

Hermione and Malfoy were captured after a few seconds of fighting. The Covenant took them to a dam that was not far from were they crashed. They were locked in a room where they kept a few other Marines.

"Take Hermione." said Malfoy as he shoved her the Brute with a gravity hammer. " Take her and let me go. She will be the best woman you ever had."

"And a better man than you'll ever will be Malfoy." growled Hermione.

"Hey, I'm just trying to get out of here."

"BUZZZAAAAA" yelled a voice from behind the Brute. The Brute fell dead from a shotgun bast to the back of the head, the shot came from Harry who was holding the shotgun. Harry stood onto of the dead body and pick up the Gravity Hammed off the Brutes back.

"Come on guys. Lets get this party started." yelled Harry before he went out to the dam and started to go Super Smash Brothers with the Gravity hammer and killing all the Covenant that were guarding the dam. The Pelican arrived a little while later with Master Chief and the others. Harry, Hermione, and Malfoy boarded the Pelican and flew off to Crows Nest.

* * *

**Chapter 8**

**I'm BACK! :D**

"AHHHH!" screamed Malfoy as he fell from the Pelican. They were about fifty feet till they landed on the takeoff pad in Crow's Nest and Harry got the bright idea to kick Draco out of the Pelican to see if there were Covenant around. Draco landed on his chest, causing everyone in the hanger bay to jump and look at what cause the noise.

"We're clear!" yelled Harry as he jumped on Malfoy, cracking a few bones in his ribs.

"What the hell Potter?" yelled Malfoy as he tried to get up.

"Your sacrifice would of saved us all Malfoy," said Harry. "Better you than me."

The rest soon followed from the Pelican. As soon as they touched the ground, they were meet by a female officer with black hair that touched her shoulders and an Elite that was wearing a metallic type of armor with carving all over it.

"Huba huba huba" said Ron and Neville as they drooled at the sight of the woman.

"Can it you two. She is way out of your league" said Master Chief before turning his attention to the woman and giving her a salute. "Commander Miranda, ma'am."

"Master Chief." said Miranda as she returned the salute, "I see that you manage to find more Spartans to help us. Good job."

"I wouldn't call them Spartans ma'am." replied Chief. Miranda looked at the gang. She saw that Luna as trying to chase a bird that got into the hanger bay, Ron and Neville we rubbing their nipples at Miranda, and Hermione, Ginny, and Pansy were staring at the Arbiter's... exposed dangle parts .

"Who the hell are these people?" asked Miranda.

"You don't want to know." said Chief.

"Excuse me Miss. Miranda," said Voldemort, who suddenly appeared next to Miranda,"are you single?"

"Get away from me." growled Miranda. "Come on Chief, we need to go see Lord Hood and make sure you keep an eye on your friends."

"Wait." exclaimed Chief. "I get stuck babysitting these morons? I see no justice in this. Harry, you are incharge of your people, make sure they stay in line."

"WHOOP WHOOP!" Harry yelled in excitement. "I'm the leader."

"But for every time they mess up," said Chief as he leaned into Harry so that his face was just inches from his, "I'm going to pound your ass to a pulp."

"Not unless I kill them first." whispered Harry.

"What was that Potter?" asked Snape.

"Nothing."

The Gang, Chief, Arbiter, and Miranda entered the command room. All the Marines were running around with guns and taking orders from the officers. The large computer screens showed battle data and the location of troops that were in the field. One of the officers ran up to Miranda and gave her a sheet of paper. She took it from the officer and studied the sheet.

"Crap." said Miranda. "Chief, I need you, Johnson, Arbiter, and your Spartan rejects to go to both the hanger bay and the barracks to flush out the Brutes."

"On it." said Chief. "Arbiter, Johnson, take the Reds and flush out the Barracks. The Greens and I will take care of the hanger bay."

"And I'll stay here and guard Miranda." said Harry.

"Why?" asked Hermione.

"Because I did all the work last mission so I get to relax while you guys get shot at." said Harry. " Besides, we can't let the beautiful, sexy commander Miranda to die here. She might not have any kids to pass on her beautiful face."

"This on can stay." said Miranda with a grin on her face. "Harry, can you come to my room and guard me while I get some sleep."

"Yes ma'am." said Harry. Then in a flash both of them disappeared.

"Ok...", said Chief breaking the silence among the group. "Let's roll."

"Shove this up your ass you pansy." yelled Malfoy as he threw a plasma grenade at a group of grunts. The grenade soon exploded, sending the grunts flying in different directions. The Greens and Chief were doing a great job on clearing out of the hanger, but every time they eliminated all the Grunts and Brutes, two Phantom dropships would fly into the hanger and drop off more troops.

"Oh yea!." yelled Voldemort as he unloaded his whole clip at the Brutes and Grunts, killing all of them. "I can do this all day! Yeaaaaaa...Oh wait, NO!"

"Whats is it Voldemort?" asked Cheif as he snapped a Brutes neck.

"It's him!" he yelled pointing at a group of Grunts, "The Grunt Of Death! My mortal enemy!"

The Greens looked at the group and saw that one Grunt stood out from the rest. It had black armor instead of orange or green and he had fire red eyes that looked like he was on crack. But before they could fire at the Grunts, they ran off to the Phantom and jumped inside it and flew off.

"I'll deal with you later!" yelled Voldemort as he pointed at the running black Grunt.

"What did he do to you?" asked Pansy.

"You don't want to know my dear." said Voldemort. "It's best left unanswered."

"Ok..." said Snape. "I hope that the Reds are almost done with their mission. The faster we get out of this game, the better."

Meanwhile...

"Crap, Crap, Crap!" yelled Hermione as she ran behind the pillar in the barracks. The Reds, Johnson, and Arbiter managed to enter the barracks but it was full of Brutes. They killed all the Brutes in one of the hallways and Hermione ran down the hall and around the corner into a pack of Brutes who started shooting at her.

"I wish Harry was here." said Ginny. "He could take care of them in a heart beat."

"Well he is not here." retorted Ron as he chucked a grenade at the pack, killing them instantly. "We got this."

The instant he said that, a swarm of drones came droping through the ceiling and stated throwing their poop at them.

"Damn-it!" screamed Luna as they ran to the door and locked the drones in the hall. When they were done sealing the door, they felt a presence behind them. Ron turned around as saw about thirty Brutes wearing gold armor and holding Brute Shot grenade launchers aiming at them.

**Will this be the end of Red team? The answer...NO. Tune in next time for the next chap.**

**I think this chapter is not funny but i am kinda having a writers block with all the humor. Please email me some ideas. **

**thank you**

**A.O.D**


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